Diary of a Dextrocardia(n)

As my blog is titled Diary of a Dextrocardia(n) it might be a good idea for me to include some actual stories lifted right out of my journal.
So I have scoured my notepads (picked up the first one I could find) and gruelingly read page after page (opened book and picked random entry).


The Date: unknown, I'd say two years ago
Destination of Entrant: Local Hospital bed
Reason for Hospitalization: Probably the usual chest pain....


It's 7.30 am, there's a patient alarm going off, nurses are hollering back and forth and Santa in the bed opposite me is having his nappy changed, good morning world. I'm just finishing off my breakfast and the cleaners are in, they make they're way over and are now shooing me off the bed. I attempt to wave my unfinished peace of toast in they're face but are having none of it, I concede defeat and move onto the adjacent chair.
Looking out the window I notice some old hag staring at me from the outpatients department, our eyes meet, I'm gonna stare this nosey bitch to the ground 1..2..3...4... I win! It's a hollow victory though, she's going home... I'm not. Her husband has now turned his attention to me, they're damn tag teaming me! I refuse to succumb to such childishness... I smile, I wave, give the finger and close the curtains.

My bed is done, at least I think it is? It looks exactly the same and the covers don't seem to be the Thomas the Tank ones I requested.

I move back onto the bed, my DS still hasn't charged, the TV is stuck on S4C and I've read all my magazines... Great.
Oh wait, Morristons Wife Beater has just appeared in his doorway, probably to see why no ones answering the alarm, either that or he thinks 'rounds out'
Finally a nurse has answered the bell, I hope it wasn't fatal.
Morristons Wife Beater wipes something on his vest and disappears back into his room... That was close.

I'm bored, really bored. I decide to re-re-re-read one of my magazines, I lie back and try ignore all the sounds and goings on and escape into my mag.

'Rhodri' Someone calls

'Rhodri'

'Rhodri'

I lower my magazine to see what is going on to see the guy in the opposite bed calling over in my direction 'Rhodri'

He's pretty much shouting now... 'RHODRI!'

I raise my mag, Rhodri's not my name, even it was I still wouldn't answer ('Rhodri!') He probably only wants to go to the toilet...

'RHODRI!!!'

I put down my magazine to find him at the end of my bed leaning towards me, I'd better see what he wants...
'Left out the door' I tell him.

He thanks me, heads for the door and turns right... this should be fun, wheres my popcorn. I should buzz a nurse really but unfortunately I'm all for the thrill of the chase. He's barely passed the window before a nurse is apprehending him. It's over in seconds, damn.

'Where are you going love?' she enquires as she begins to lead him back to his bed

'I need the toilet'

'There's a bottle by your bed' she tells him

'This won't fit in the bottle' he replies

Nice.